| |||||||||
![]() | | ||||||||
| |||||||||||||||
| |||||||||||||||
| Off Topic - Humor/Jokes Hang Out, Humor, Jokes and Off Topic posts |
Download:
![]() |
| | LinkBack | Thread Tools | Rate Thread | Display Modes |
| | #1 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Senior Member ![]() PP is AN OLD ROLMEN WORKING ON NORTEL AND AVAYA
Location: MIAMI, FLA Rep Power: 7 ![]() | No "side tone" on handsets system wide The White House, USA ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I attacked and took over two countries. I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury. I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history. I set an economic record for the most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I set an all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a ny president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. I cut health care benefits for war veterans. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to pro test me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (The poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her). I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community. I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. I set the all-time record for biggest annu al budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board. I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections. I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world B history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied,saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1) I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investm ents in corporations bidding for gov't contracts. I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the civil war. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt co mpanies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. PERSONAL REFERENCES: For personal references, please speak to my dad or uncle James Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one). | ||||||||
| | |
| | #8 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Junior Member ![]() ![]() Pirates_Ghost has no status.
Location: The other side of the Lake from work Rep Power: 11 ![]() | Or you can go to either of these Pro/Con sights and decied for your self what you wish..... http://www.crossbearer.com/opinion/resume.html http://idontfeelsogood.blogspot.com/...d_archive.html PP good to see you again, and thanks (as always) for stirring the pot (or in his case, smoking it) ![]() __________________ You can't wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you - Look, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! | ||||||||
| | |
| | #9 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Moderator ![]() MSYoung is meddling with dragons
Location: San Diego, CA Rep Power: 5 ![]() | You forgot to mention his insistence that global warming is not happening and that he will appoint a commission to study it. __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Marty | ||||||||
| | |
![]() |
| Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | Rate This Thread |
| |
Similar Threads | ||||
| Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
| Bush: Who's on first? | slagburn | Off Topic - Humor/Jokes | 1 | 11-22-2004 09:52 AM |
| Just how bipartisan are we? Just how CLOSE was the race? | Pirates_Ghost | Off Topic - Humor/Jokes | 13 | 11-15-2004 10:03 AM |
| George Bush & his visions | mitchthephoneman | Off Topic - Humor/Jokes | 3 | 10-27-2003 04:04 PM |
| Resume Bloopers | wgombar | Off Topic - Humor/Jokes | 1 | 01-07-2003 07:24 AM |
| With Apologies to Abott and Costello | gei_spot | Off Topic - Humor/Jokes | 2 | 11-22-2002 01:32 PM |