papa-bear

This was posted (very briefly) on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an
employee who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does
not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down
immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too) .
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McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION: WARRANTY CARD
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to
protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the
warranty registration card below.


Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will
help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.


1. Title: [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_]Comrade[_]


First Name: .................................................. .. Initial: ........


Last Name: .................................................. ...


Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)


Code Name: .................................................. ...


Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........


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2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?


[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified


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3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ....../......./......


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4. Serial Number: ..............................................


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5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:


[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] independent arms broker
[_] Mail order [_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified


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6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:


[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

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7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:


[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat


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8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia/Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Classified
[_] Oh all right then, Iraq

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9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:


[_] Colour TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] DVD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle (temporarily out of stock)
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

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10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate all
that apply


[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal


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11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?


[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal cheque
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveller's cheque

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12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

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13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:

[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilisation / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction


Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers
will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you
better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and
special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and
mysterious consortia.


As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a
brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!


If you have comments or suggestions about our fighter planes, please write to:


McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division


IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
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