Java_Bob

The Drunk Irishman

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of
the
night. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any more
tonight, Paddy."

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then". Paddy spins around on
his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "What the...." he
says
and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a
step
towards the door and falls flat on his face again.
"Damn!" he says.
He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the door
and get some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and
shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a
deep breath of
fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement
and falls flat on his face.
"Bi'Jesus... I'm soused," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for it.
He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens the
door and looks inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, "No
flappin'
way." But he somehow crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and
thinks, "I think I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the
room
and
falls flat on his face again. He says, "This is hell. I gotta stop
drinking," but
manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.
The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit too much to drink
last
night?" Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was totally pissfaced. But how'd you
know?"
"Mick called.. You left your wheelchair at the pub."