Sex, Marriage, & Relationships Jokes - PBX Info :: Your Free PBX, PABX and Telephone Information Resource

**rixride** · 05-11-2006, 05:41 PM

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $450,000 - a magnificent price ... and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?
======================================
40TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1954.25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.

That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?"

The man thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer bottle in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

The woman was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen. And I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, the woman asked the man, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" To which the man answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in."

=========================================\
BUYING CONDOMS

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack." The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

A MAN MEETS A GENIE

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

**rixride** · 05-11-2006, 05:43 PM

An old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his
coat.

His wife said, "Where are you going ?"

He said, "I'm going to the doctor."

And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"

"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra
pills."

So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her
sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"

She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."

He said, "Why?"

She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old
thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot."

**rixride** · 05-11-2006, 05:46 PM

A SMALL DOSE

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store
and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist asked "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen.
I cut each one into four pieces."
The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose.
That won't get you through sex.

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past eighty years
old and I don't even think about sex anymore.
I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes...

slagburn · 05-11-2006, 05:47 PM

Hmmmmmmmmm Rix is on a ___ roll.

**test03** · 05-11-2006, 05:55 PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers - which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa."
The father said, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this - "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother dies. My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side!
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got
up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late,
what's the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."

Pirates_Ghost · 05-12-2006, 09:08 AM

yeah, a

roll on some of these

But they're still funny!

***rwhite*** · 05-12-2006, 09:45 AM

She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs
for breakfast.

He walks in and asks: "What's for breakfast?"

She turns to him and says; "You've got to
make love to me this very moment".

He, thinking it's his lucky day, bends her over
the kitchen table and they have sex.

Afterwards he says, "What was that all about?"

She says: "The egg timer's broken!"

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