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| Off Topic - Humor/Jokes Hang Out, Humor, Jokes and Off Topic posts |
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 12-28-2004, 01:29 PM | #1 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Junior Member    Pirates_Ghost has no status.
Location: The other side of the Lake from work Rep Power: 12   | <Those of you who know my basic route (Princess) can relate to this...or anyone else who's ever been on the Dan Ryan in Rush hour (Jack)>>>> I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why: I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day. Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed. Flip one off? ....... I think not. __________________ You can't wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you - Look, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!  | ||||||||
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| 12-28-2004, 01:44 PM | #3 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Senior Member  slagburn has no status.
Location: 3498.51 miles from Tiverton, Ontario (CANADA) Rep Power: 16 Gender:  Country:  | Run the numbers on the guys... probably a better chance of getting shot at from a guy than a chick. I always get a look before I go flipping people off; chicks can be fun because they don't expect you to flip them off then they take it really personally when you do.  | ||||||||
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| 12-28-2004, 01:47 PM | #4 (permalink) | ||||||||
| Guest
| You have WAY to much time on your hands. But I do have to agree with you about these stats. Although I dont drive the Ryan, I think I would rather have my skinned peeled off, I take LSD. There are certain women who live on the South side of the city who like to drive 20 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. THis is when they are on the cell phone and doing their makeup. My favorite is the idiot that slows down for the ambulance that is going the other direction and there is a cement median between them. I hate traffic and dont get me started on rubber neckers! I dont drive for a reason, my calmer more stable friend drives, its better for everyone. And just so you feel better PG, I dont carry a gun to Chicago, its illegal! | ||||||||
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| 12-28-2004, 04:43 PM | #7 (permalink) | ||||||||||
| Junior Member Pirates_Ghost has no status.
Location: The other side of the Lake from work Rep Power: 12 | IRAD Quote:
 ...But, I could be wrong...what she does in her spare time is her choice  ....A great song from the early 70s called "Trippin' on down on LSD"... And yes Slag, your correct...Doesn't take much to set of a bloke in this town....there are three things to know about Chicago: We're "Windy City" 'cause of the Politicos, not the winds There are two seasons: Winter and Construction It wouldn't be summer with out at least ONE fatal shooting on the Dan Ryan expressway. Dan Ryan, so you know: Picture the 501, then add another 3 lanes for "Local", make it 8 miles from start to finsish, then add 3.2 MILLION CARS (no S***!) DAILY running through there. Rush hour (5am-10am, 3pm-8pm) it can take 20mins on a good day, 4hrs on a bad day, Averages 35-45 mins. to get 8 FRIGGIN' MILES! And that's just HALF my time on the road.....THEN I've got the 10 miles of the "Bishop Ford Freeway" (25-30 mins) followed by 18 miles on I394 (10-20 mins), then another 15 on US 1. (last 15 mins...doing btwn 80-120 depending on which cops on duty that day) :S NO WONDER I'm such a crabby person :S Princess-Yes...I know of which you speak....if the Ford is too backed up going to the 90/94/80 split, I take Stoney Island (for those of you who don't know, thats' the "South Shore" Ghetto suburb).....THERE'S fun for ya....Sitting under the Skyway, watching the Fruit and Sock vendors try to sell me stuff __________________ You can't wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you - Look, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! | ||||||||||
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| 12-28-2004, 04:47 PM | #8 (permalink) | |||||||||
| Junior Member Pirates_Ghost has no status.
Location: The other side of the Lake from work Rep Power: 12 | Quote:
__________________ You can't wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you - Look, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! | |||||||||
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| 12-29-2004, 07:39 AM | #9 (permalink) | |||||||||
| Senior Member  Java_Bob is sleeping
Location: A Blue State Rep Power: 12 Gender:  Country:  | Quote:
 we used to go there on holidays and the like (no problems back then) HOW TIMES Change UH....... wonder why :wink: used to be some good neiborhoods back then... | |||||||||
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| 12-29-2004, 09:08 AM | #10 (permalink) | ||||||||||
| Junior Member Pirates_Ghost has no status.
Location: The other side of the Lake from work Rep Power: 12 | Quote:
Look at the Beverly Hills (Chicago's South side, not the North of Hollywood) area....BEAUTIFUL old houses, still rather nice neighborhood, but 2 blocks down the hill....a really BAD neighborhood. Or drive through the Pullman area (Pullman railway car owner built up in the area for his workers...a lovely "working class" neighborhood in it's day:1900) And then too you've got all those gorgous old homes in Humbolt park area that are now (and have been for 20-30years) 4 and 5 flats or boarded up crack houses..... Things happen.  __________________ You can't wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you - Look, if I went 'round saying I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! | ||||||||||
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