Archibald J. Cox

So I go to take out some garbage last night.
This garbage was stinky
because we've been gone for a few days
so I want to get it out of the apartment
So I get in the elevator (Elevator #1, not #2) and press "B" for basement
5...4...3...2...1...B <thunk>
What was that?
The !@#$ing elevator is stuck.
I don't panic
I hit the "Call" button to get in touch with someone to help me.
It calls the elevator company
They pick up
I tell them where I am
They say they're going to send someone
They hang up
I listen to my iPod
I wait for an hour
I figure they're stupid so I call again and ask where people are.
They say 20 minutes
I listen to my iPod
I wait for 40 minutes
I call again
I tell them to dial 9-1-1 and get me the !@#$ out of this tiny !@#$ing box
20 more minutes
Fire Department shows up
Christine is upset because I've been gone for 2 hours and she couldn't find me
She's crying
Firemen laugh at me for being stuck in an elevator with my garbage
Takes them another 15 minutes to get me the !@#$ out of the elevator.
Christine was still crying
(tears of happiness I believe)
So at 12:00 I'm out of the elevator
They had to cut the power
They also had chopped the door to the Super's apartment in half because the super had been fired a few weeks ago.
I guess they were looking for keys for the elevator
They didn't find any
They had to pry open the doors on it.
It was stuck between "1" and "B"
I called my landlord
I yelled at my landlord
He took it well
Fire department said that next time I should hit the alarm button that rings the bell
And that next time I shouldn't take garbage with me.
I say "But they said someone was on the way"
Fire department said no one should have to be stuck in an elevator longer than 10-20 minutes.
I say "If I'd known it was the Fire Department that was going to come get me out, I would have lit up a cigarette!"
Next time I'll ring the !@#$ing bell.

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