bash

> Words of wisdom from the BBC Comedy 'The Office'.
>
>
> It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo. If
> John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely
> different.
>
> What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in
> winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting
> nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think,
> would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
>
> A successful team is paramount, our office team mirrors the success of
> Arsenal football team, but with less foreigners.
>
> When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by
> reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
>
> Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!
>
> If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you
> probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
>
> You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a
> medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
>
> If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never
> guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
>
> If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
>
> You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
>
>
> If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
>
> Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us
> who do.
>
> If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a
> fork and imagine him in jail.
>
> There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug
> colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go
> figure.
>
> There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
>
> Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit
> and wisdom to do their job properly.
>
> Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the
> statue
>
>
> Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results
> in promotion to a job you can't do.
>
> Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep
> under your desk.
>
> Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and
> ability.
>
> Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility
> tomorrow.
>
> Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never
> quit are idiots.
>
> If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an
> hour and enjoy your breakfast.
>
> Remember the 3 golden rules:
> 1. It was like that when I got here.
> 2. I didn't do it.
> 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
>
> The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my
> footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR !!!
>
> Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.
>
> Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on
> than illumination.
>
> A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or
> just half of someone elses?
>
> Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....
>
> You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time,
> well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!
>
> I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was
> just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.
>
> Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin
> without reading them.
>
> Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of
> mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in
> the average office.